xphilosophe

So.........,

what about nights and dreams....

that......

When away....

with age, with time, with innocence,

what about, the glass of milk you used to drink at night....

and what about love, and friendship and all those other...

memories.

There are no complaints thus far. Except that I miss school a lot. I wish to be back now. Figure, take a year off, which pretty much had to do because of a million personal reasons. That year is almost over. All is cleared up. Sort of. And now, go back to school? Get a job? a real one, anyway? (which I've been trying, but it's harder than I thought. I am a lot more innocent than I thought too). Physics seems to be far away from me now. I could go to Stony Brook though, that's not a completely closed door. The thing about it is that I have to make a choice. Science, writing, philosophy, serving sandwiches for the rest of my life (hopefully not this one, although I wouldnt mind to do it, along with something else), playing a professional sport (Perhaps a little too late for that), finance, banking, or priest. One of them has to be it. Anything really. When you start up you are a million different paths, but those paths start winding down and winding down, and eventually there are only a few left. I want to plug myself up to a machine. Press a button and get an answer. Your talents are blah blah blah. Your career path blah. Well, yes, that's easy. Some people do have that machine though. They don't have chronic indecision.

But this is how it will probably turn out. Work for a couple of years. Take courses at night. Do research into schools and programs that may seem interesting. Probably along the realm of comparative literature, philosophy, philosophy of science. Save money during that whole time. Go back to school to continue my education. I mean, I do continue it now, by reading, by following the news, by writing somewhat. But I gotta go back to school anyway. It's not the same studying on your own, and the degree is necessary to get the title I eventually want: Professor. Hopefully, I will profess good things.

I only seem to write when it is really late at night, and when I havent written for a long time. Mainly, because I find myself uninhibited enough to write anthing at all. I usually have a particular urge to say something or other, but I always end up not saying it.

I do have much to say, but I don't quite know if to say it would be wise or useful, in the many ways in which it could be useful.

I certainly should have posted more in the last four years. That was the point of this.

All who read this are probably either graduating, or ending a semester, just like I am. Well, good luck.

I'll see you at grad, or at some place here or there or wherever.

It is 1:31 a.m. It's not particularly late. Bored out of my mind. Should have been studying for Stat Mech since I do not understand anything during the class...or after I read the books (Yes, plural), or after I re-read the books...well, I should not give myself so much credit, I dont think I've actually re-read them yet..but I know that when I do re-read them, it'll be the same...

Also, I have to do a program...that's a bitch.....Im not sure what to do....
RA program that is....

it's 1:32 now.

and now it's 1:33.

I won't continue with that though. We played the last Intramural soccer game today. We played two actually. Semifinals against Nigerians. We won. Final against Bulgarians. And that we lost. Boo.

A little tired from that, I guess, yet I can't get to sleep. Im not sure what I want to do...

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

Something clearly went wrong at some point...

so much work. But Im not too worried. It's o.k., I'll get to it, and It will be alright.....

I do get to this page with all the intention of writing a nice long message.....but I dont know..It just seems that I dont have much to say at this moment...

it seems as if it has been a long day..and it has been...

Research...kinda....then class, then studying..reading..meeting a few friends....eat..program....try to do work..but couldnt..and now it is right now...and nothing more to say...

Like an entry...but it's really not an entry. Not an entry. not an entry. not an entry. The legacy of Gertrude Stein.

Increasingly, and irremediably so...

It seems that my posts always appear in concordance with the meeting of an angel. The meetings oscillate in reality, or appear to me, in my world, in different varieties...sometimes the meeting of the angels is as palpable as anything physically real, sometimes the meeting is masquerading through some interesting, yet distant, human relation.

As ephemeral as it is, the meetings of angel last lifetimes, time stops, for a few seconds, (How can time stop for a few seconds?) and it reappears, it surfaces moments after. what a world!

One of the professors in the physics department since before the semester ended that I would like to do research with him during the summer. He says, "sure, no problem, I'll be here teaching during the summer, just come whenever. Im here from monday to thursday." I told him, yes I'd like to make =up a schedule or something, you know, but he says no. SO i Figure I could come, any time any day (of course between monday and thursday) and that would be fine.

SO I Did. And I came to today.

But today guess what??? He's too busy. HE cant. HE can only do research mondays and wednesdays. So im kinda annoyed. I mean, At least, you know, Whatever, got out of the house for a couple of hours, came to Adelphi, which of course is a beautiful campus, but, hey, HE could have sent me an e-mail saying, hey Camilo, just come mondays or wednesdays alright?? but no..no email, no nothing.

So I came today.

WEll, whatever, I guess, it's cool, no problem........
I mean it's only one day, Im not that annoyed, but...it's just that I could have done something else today. I mean I still can, it's early.

I dont know, just b******* I suppose.

Peace out.

Fe... Iron You scored 33 Mass, 44 Electronegativity, 66 Metal, and 10 Radioactivity!

I don't really need to describe you do I? You're the backbone of any well put together group... communally minded, out going and social, but you don't demand to be the center of attention. Without groups of people like you, human society would crumble. I mean that... don't change. With respect to realtionships, I don't know what to tell ya. I guess I'd reccommend a first row transition metal... or if you don't mind being submissive then go for an oxygen... everyone else will wonder how you ended up with one of those drama queens, but you'll probably secretly love it and he/she will bring out colors of you that you didn't know existed.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 34% on Mass You scored higher than 84% on Electroneg You scored higher than 81% on Metal You scored higher than 40% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

I dont know about that......

think that...

I should start that over.

It was quite some time ago, about a year ago. IT was kinda, righta, in the same time of the year as it is now, only it was a year before. YEs. I happened to watch a video. MTV ESpañol...(some fancy MTV for spanish people) which mainly just is reggaeton and latin pop artists...(they suck)..and every once in a while some good music.

SO, A year ago, as I was saying, I happen to listen to an artist, a girl called Julieta Venegas (Just a name, really irrelevant to the story),

But really, I mean the name itself, just a sound irrelevant, but the girl...Truly amazing. I dont know..she is just a pop artist, not a very good looking one at that really, she looks quite normal, no match to the "true" beauties..and pop artists, like Britney and the sort....just a plain looking girl.

Brunette, dark eyes, fair skin, skinny, not terribly though. Not very tall, but well-dressed. (props to whoever dresses her in the video)...

ANd she captivated my heart for some reason. Every time I hear one of her songs, an irremediably feeling touches my heart. Every time, no escaping.

It's like sadness, like longing. Like wanting to be something. you know..I really question why is it so bad to want to be you know...just like that...like them..on tv?? she really brings that out on me. I dont know why, not one really for trendy stuff... (Although many who know me might disagree), but at heart, I dont really care much for that...and yet...

really what it is..is that...sometimes I want to live in a music video. Well, one like hers. YOu know..look city like...be a sophisticated looking...good looking hopefully....boy...and be in a video..there;s music averywhere I go, One tune that encompasses my life, that is what it is, and you walk, and walk, and do things, and tune in the background really is everything...and cool wonderful stuff happens all around...and at the end...it's all good.

But then the video only lasts a bit...and it's gone.

A bit like our lives too, they just last a bit..and they're gone.

Y no se ve!!!
Pero siento que hay en mi algo que esta cambiando!
y no se ve!!!
Pero siento qe hay en mi algo que esta cambiando!!

And the reason why I tell this story, is because I saw a new video this time arround...and I get the same feeling..different video, same girl, different story, different music, same girl, different outfit, same girl,

same time. Around this time anyways.

It's here. all here.

all of the magic is here.

THe key to the treasure is the treasure.

the magic words only work once, you know. THat;s why the magic, is to understand the trick , the trick is to know the trick. THat;s what barth says. (Pam must be hating me right now.)

The trick is to know how to make, how to create that right combination of words. Everytime...you must make the right combination, the right structure, the right stuff.

ANd of course, it must be different every time.

Isnt that truly hard?

I have seen two good movies lately.

They were both two of the most outrages and weird movies I've ever seen too.

I 'heart' huckabees and Life Aquatic with steve zissou (the names are probably spelled wrong)...

The dialogues for these two movies are equally insanely normal and weird at the same time.

They're very interesting movies, you should all go see them.


It's good to see the family, but at the same time, you know everything becomes so absorbingly normal, and chaotic.
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................
no it;s not.

WEll, I DONT KNOW.

It's late.

WHat a habit...

I am Home.

Didnt mean to make Rachel feel she was dead. I just said I was going to miss her.

I am Home.
I worked today, well yesterday for the first time in the pizza place. It was cool.

I...am tired. And my whole family is asleep. Isnt that weird? being that only one awake...These people........


I read some article bill wrote, in the symposium. He talks about entanglement. Physics related stuff. And he goes on and on about entanglement, and what this and that physicist and philosopher said...but he never actually says...that's entanglement.

I thought that was funny.

Something else that's funny.

I was moving a shelf full of books the other day. And as I moved it, a bunch of books fell out. And i Said, "fuck, I hate momentum"...and I laughed at myself and said "Im so stupid. Damn it."...now that I think in retrospect...that's probably why I didnt do that well in Dynamics. I guess needless to say, it was inertia and NOT momentum the reason why some of the books fell. (I am such a dork)

Well...I'll see you guys!

Hey, Still Checking People Out.

The end of the year is a little crazy. I'm going to miss a lot of people. YOu know, there's always those people that you really wanted to talk to, really wanted to be friends with all semester, all year really, but for whatever reason, you couldnt or didnt. And now, it's too late. Even, the last good bye, even then, even that could have been better.

But it's a little late. It's little too late. And there's nothing really to do now.

But, there's also the hope for next year, new people, new faces.

Also, I feel especially sad about Rachel. Not that I feel bad about her, it's awesome, I really wanted to get to know her better. And I guess I didnt. And she's gone for a semester. So, you know.

Well, for Rachel, best of Luck I know im going to miss you.

Also, for all of you guys, Im going to miss you this summer. I know I didnt get to see you much...but you know. Good luck to all. and Have a great summer.

Have you ever felt like this...?

Here. Semester is about to end. Everybody is really excited that the summer is coming.

By the way, we have to move NANO (i hope I got it right this time) to June. CUz mother is coming in july. Hope that's o.k. with everyone.

Congrats to Rachel on the London News. Hopefully, it can turn to reality. Being a waitress might do it. Depending on the place and amount of hours worked, you can probably make good money.

I have about a week left of school. A little under actually. Although I''ll be here probably passed commencement, kicking people out of their rooms and stuff.

Anyways...I'm anxious to hear banquet news.

Peace.

Random Questions
Usual Character on Mario Kart	mario
Time you wake up on Sunday	8 or 9
Favorite Drink	water....yeah right....coffee!!!! woohoo!
Current song playing	the sound of the cooling system in my computer
Credits this semester	dont know
Employment	RA
Relationship status	...
Either/or
Meekins or Sarris	Cant say, elections committee
Pancakes or French Toast	french toast
UC or Post	UC
Cherry Valley or Dominos	cherry valley
Livejournal or Xanga	livejournal
Dane Cook or Stephen Lynch	dane cook
The Suites or New Hall	new hall (yeah...woo wooh!!)
Which is worse?
A hangover or getting 2 hours sleep	hangover
Roommate who snores or a nympho with questionable manners	nympho
Bad Breath or B.O.	...
Being blown off or Being stalked	being stalked
Stupid or Condescending people	condescending
How old were you when you....
drank in a bar for the first time.	......13?? i dont know..
had your worst broken heart	.....dont know...
had your best memory	....wow...hard questions...
first colored your hair	never...
stopped believing in Santa	I never believed on Santa.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

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Untitled

Im trying to find lost time,
Trying to find the foot, the rhyme.
The accent, the right words, the best order, such bullshit, or is it?
Is it true that there’s such thing? Is it true that it is indeed cellar door?
Parenthetical (for all those that have seen Donnie Darko)
Is it true?

Where and when will I find the tic toc of the clock, the tic toc that I need, because
My words
do not fit my line.

Tell me, is it true?
Did you find the meaning, that obscure, ungraspable phantom
Did the masters of prose or poetry find you…
Or do you still lie hidden?

Did they find you, you, perfect poem, or do you even exist?
Tell me, where are you. Where can you be but
hidden behind the memories of my books
Behind that old, really old, really really, incredibly old
Shelves of my grandfather’s
Library. Is it there that I must look for you,
Is it there, with the suffering, with the demagogical but very truthful words of my grandmother
With the illiterate teachings that possessed all the answers.

Or maybe, it is not even relevant to look for you.
I’ll find you eventually,
In the rain, in the fog, the nicotine-based lungs of ambiguity, the coffee in the pot
I’ll definitely find you, Time, in the struck, of every,
Key,
In the sound of every word.


THis is a weak attempt to a poem.

peace.